One Pastor's Experience

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" rowspan="2" width=226 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <IMG SRC="045bbad0.gif" border=0 width="187" height="173" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <A HREF="id53.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Marriage Inventories Mentor Training"><U>Back to Marriage Inventories and Mentor Training</U></A></div> </td> <td valign="top" height=445 colspan=2 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <B>The Marriage Alliance of Central Virginia</B></div> <div> <I><B>Building Stronger Families Through Stronger Marriages For A Stronger Community.</B></I></div> <div> |     <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Marriage Alliance of Central Virgini"><U>Home</U></A>    |    <A HREF="id20.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="News"><U>News</U></A>   |    <A HREF="id22.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Partners"><U>Partners</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id27.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Marriage and Relationship Resources"><U>Marriage and Relationship Resources</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id28.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Contact Us"><U>Contact Us</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id46.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Donations"><U>Donate</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>One Pastor's Experience</B></I></div> <div> September 7, 2004</div> <bR> <div> An open letter to Pastors and Church Leaders:</div> <bR> <div> When I began my pastoral ministry I made a commitment that I would not marry anyone who hadn<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="WP TypographicSymbols" >=</FONT>t received pre-marital counseling.  I believe that it is important for a couple to make a good decision about whether to proceed with the commitment of marriage, and that this is best done with some form of marital preparation.  </div> <bR> <div> One of the implications of this was that I spent a lot of time doing premarital counseling. I would often have as many as 5 to 10 couples a year coming to me for counseling.  Because I met with them for at least 4 sessions this added a lot of time commitments to my schedule.</div> <bR> <div> About three years ago Larry and Nancy Anderson introduced me to the marriage mentoring process using the FOCCUS materials.  At first I was a bit skeptical. I did not think a premarital inventory could possibly cover all the important issues.  I did not think it would help a couple face the deeper issues of their relationship.  But after examining the materials I realized just how thorough the program was, so we proceeded.  </div> <bR> <div> Since then as a church we have trained a number of mentor couples to use the FOCCUS materials.  For the past three years each of those mentor couples has been paired with one or two engaged couples.   I couldn<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="WP TypographicSymbols" >=</FONT>t be more pleased with the results. During that time we have mentored over 35 couples.  Most of those who have been mentored have expressed that the process was very helpful, and deepened their commitment to one another.  Others have decided not to get married, or to delay getting married because they saw some areas that needed work.  We were glad that relationships were strengthened by the process.  We were also pleased that others saw the real difficulties in their relationship and were able to make some difficult decisions.  What was good about the process is that those couples who were not really compatible concluded this for themselves as a result of the process.  That is what this whole process is supposed to do, help some relationships off to a good start, and lead other relationships to the conclusion that it would not be good to proceed.</div> <bR> <div> Another benefit of marriage mentoring is that it naturally leads to the beginning of a good relationship between the mentor couple and the engaged couple.  This gives them a mature couple they can look to for relational advice.  It is very rewarding to see these couples getting together after the mentoring process has formally ended. </div> <bR> <div> As my wife and I led one couple through the mentoring process we said to each other several times, <FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="WP TypographicSymbols" >A</FONT>I wish we had been able to do this material when we got married.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="WP TypographicSymbols" >@</FONT>  So I strongly  encourage you to examine carefully the process of marital preparation you are using in your congregation to see if it wouldn<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="WP TypographicSymbols" >=</FONT>t be well served by a marriage mentoring process.  The Marriage Alliance of Central Virginia has some wonderful resources to help you develop this process. </div> <bR> <div> Sincerely,</div> <bR> <div> Mark Fesmire</div> <div> Pastor, Grace Evangelical Free Church                                                                                          <A HREF="id56_m.htm" TITLE="One Pastors Experience"><U>Back to Top</U></A></div> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=35 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> Send mail to <U>marriagealliance@verizon.net</U> with questions or comments about this web site.</div> <div> Copyright © 2007 The Marriage Alliance of Central Virginia. Website hosting provided by CentralVA.net. Go to <A HREF="http://www.centralva.net" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.centralva.net"><U><U>www.centralva.net</U></U></A></div> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>