The Marriage Alliance of Central Virginia
Building Stronger Families Through Stronger Marriages For A Stronger Community.
Troubled Marriages
Is your marriage in trouble? Do you know someone whose marriage is in trouble, and you don't know what to do?
Don't despair. Everyone's marriage goes through rough patches from time to time. We do have some good news for you however, including:
First of all, you've come to the right spot! Central Virginia has plenty of resources available to help you rebuild your marriage. And this web site describes many of them! Some are described on this page. Others are described in various places throughout this web site. So, after you have looked through the listings on this page, go to the "Marriage Enrichment" section on this site and see what else is available - especially in the sub-section entitled "Marriage Classes". Almost all marriages that go through rough times CAN BE REBUILT!! In fact, a recent study (published in July of 2002 by the Institute of American Values) found that "Two out of three unhappily married adults who avoided divorce or separation ended up happily married (to each other) five years later. However, just one out five of unhappy spouses who divorced or separated had happily remarried in the same time period".
So, hang in there, and do the work to put your marriage back together again.
And it will take work.
Hopefully both you and your spouse are willing to do the work to rebuild your marriage. If you both are willing, and both participate in the appropriate programs, the odds of your ending up happily married (to each other!) are extremely high. But what if you are the only one who wants to work on the marriage and your partner has given up? Is it hopeless? Not at all. All it means is that you will have to make the first move, be the first to change. A number of the programs described in this section can be implemented even if only one of the partners is motivated to save the marriage. Some of the programs were even designed with that thought in mind.
So, with all that as an introduction, let's take a look at some of the resources that are available to couples who are experiencing significant troubles in their marriages:
Retrouvaille Weekend and Follow-up Program
Retrouvaille is a program designed to help couples who are experiencing difficulties in their marriages heal and renew their own marriage relationship. The process is one of "rediscovery" - of yourself, your spouse, and a loving relationship in your marriage. The program consists of a full weekend and six or twelve follow-up sessions. For a more detailed description about Retrouvaille go to Retrouvaille's website. Below is the current schedule for Retrouvaille weekends in Virginia.
Location
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Dates
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Contact Person
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Contact Phone, Email
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Richmond, VA
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Feb 29-Mar 1, 2008
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Maria and Willie Negron
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(703) 351-7211 3044@retrouvaille.org
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Herndon, VA(Northern VA)
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Jan 25-27, 2008
Apr 25-27, 2008
July 25-27, 2008
Oct 24, 2008
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Maria and Willie Negron
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(703) 351-7211 3044@retrouvaille.org
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The Divorce Remedy - The Proven 7-Step Program for Saving Your Marriage, by Michele Weiner-Davis
In her book, "The Divorce Remedy", Weiner-Davis has created a seven-step program anyone can follow to revitalize even the most damaged marriage. Weiner Davis will be your relationship coach, offering down-to-earth, psychobabble-free guidance and encouragement every step of the way. She teaches you how to identify specific marriage-saving goals, move beyond ineffective, hurtful ways of interacting, and become an expert on "doing what works". Inspirational anecdotes and in-depth case studies show how couples have used these techniques to save their marriages, and how you can use these same techniques to rescue yours.
Weiner-Davis also offers solution-oriented strategies for readers to cope with infidelity, Internet obsessions, depression, sexual problems, and midlife crises. And if you think your partner already has a foot out the door, this proven program is a recipe for change, even if only you participate. Practical and empowering, "The Divorce Remedy" is the road map you need to get your marriage back on track - and keep it there.
Published in 2001; available from most on-line and retail booksellers. (Note - above description transcribed from inside cover of the book.)
Michele Weiner Davis is a world renowned marriage-restoration expert. Here is a sample of some of the things available on her web site:
Read some of Michele's articles. If you are in a troubled marriage, these are MUST READS! And, they're free! (Isn't the internet wonderful?) Sample titles include "The walkaway wife syndrome", "Healing from infidelity", "Choosing a Marital Therapist" and "Should couples stay together for the sake of the kids?".
An opportunity to sample Michele's books. Excerpts from several of Weiner Davis' books are available online, including the first chapter of the book referenced above, "The Divorce Remedy" (highly recommended);
Recent success stories - true life reports of people who have recently restored their marriages;
The Message Board - You're not alone! See what others are going through; watch as fellow journeyors offer their advice. Ask for advice yourself, if you want.
Schedule a telephone consultation with a "Divorce Busting relationship coach" (there is a fee for this service).
This web site is full of ideas on how to strengthen marriages. It is operated by Dr. Willard Harley, who is the author of the best-seller "His Needs, Her Needs" and whose ideas have saved literally thousands of marriages. There is a ton of information on this site, so wade in slowly. First step - take the "Site Tour" to get an overview of what is available on the site. After that, click on "Basic Concepts" to get an understanding of the underlying concepts of Dr. Harley's approach.
This is a 12-week Christianity-based course which teaches 27 different Reconciliation Tools. The course is designed to be conducted in either a group setting (typically at a church) or individually. In an individual setting, the Participant locates a same-sex committed-Christian Support Partner who will meet with the Participant once a week for one hour, reviewing the Participant's progress on the assignments and holding him/her accountable. Both the Participant and the Support Partner have their own workbook which they work through. While both spouses are encouraged to participate in the program (separately, each having their own Support Partner), the program can also be effective when only one of the parties participates. The cost of the Reconciling God's Way Workbook set (which includes one each of the Participant Workbook and the Support Partner Workbook) is $22 plus $5 shipping. The material can be ordered by calling (209) 578-4357 or on the internet at www.ReconcilingGodsWay.org. (Note to Pastors - if you are interested in evaluating "Reconciling God's Way" as a possible divorce-prevention ministry in your Church, please e-mail the Marriage Alliance of Central Virginia. We will soon have additional information on this program, including a "Loaner" Leader's Kit, which we will be happy to make available to any Central Virginia-based Church for evaluation purposes.)
Choosing Wisely - Before You Divorce
Are you considering divorce? Is your spouse?
This may be the biggest decision of your life. One that will affect you for years to come. Don’t let the emotional intensity of a marriage crisis drive your decision. Before deciding whether to divorce or stay together, you need information—LOTS of information.
Before You Divorce will help you step back from the emotional turmoil you now face to take an objective view of how divorce (if you select that path) will affect your life in several different areas:
Emotional
Physical
Financial
Legal
Children and family
Spiritual
It is essential that you have this information before making your decision.
The Before You Divorce kit includes 5 video sessions, 2 workbooks and a Facilitators Guide, packaged in an attractive library case.
Each video session is produced in an interesting television magazine format. The sessions include interviews with top experts and real-life stories of people who have experienced divorce. The Before You Divorce workbook includes a section for taking notes as you view each video, a daily devotional and a journal section. The total cost for the entire kit is only $60, a small investment to make before making such a life-changing decision.
You'll find these tapes helpful if your current status falls in one of these categories:
You are still married but having major problems. You and your spouse may have already talked about separation or divorce.
You are still living together but have separated emotionally.
You have separated physically but are still married. You or your spouse may be involved in a relationship with another person.
You have divorced but have not remarried. Again, you or your spouse may have already become involved in a romantic and/or sexual relationship with another person.
For more information about Before You Divorce, click here. To order the material, call 1-800-489-7778